Let's talk about Mental Health....

So, navigating the mental health side of my insurance plan has been painful, complicated, and for lack of a better term, stinky.  I just don't understand why it is so hard to get someone who is in a mental health crisis good care.  In fact, I find it despicable that we have to wait until someone is in a mental health crisis before serious concerns are listened to and addressed.  This should not ever happen.  If we had better preventative mental health care, particularly at the adolescent level, then maybe we wouldn't see kids reach such dramatic crisis levels.  Its heartbreaking to see not only the sheer number of kids involved in in-patient and out-patient care, but also the range of ages....  Some of these kids are really, really young.   I hope they get the help they need now so that they can stay maintain care and not have to live in and out of crisis mode.  I also wonder when mental health issues got to have a such a stigma..  Many people are ashamed to talk about what happened to their kids or what led them to the place they are at.  How can we ever help each other if we don't talk about it?   It's hard to find resources, support groups, etc. on your own. We should be able to talk to each other and pass along what works and what doesn't, without fear of judgement, because that's what it comes down to.  Judgement  by others - how did they get there? They seemed so 'normal'... What did they do to his/her child?  Parenting skills are brought into question both verbally and implied.  It's so sad.  We should stop judging and ask what we can do to help?  Meals, errands, someone to talk to, whatever you can lend a hand in doing to help.  Just please, stop judging....

It has been awhile, hasn't it?

Well, as a friend recently pointed out, it's been awhile.  Yes, make that a long while.  It's been a year since my last post.  Sad, yes.  At some point though, life just takes over and pushes forward quickly leaving little time to document what is actually going on in life.  I have begun fleshing out the details of adding to my little family again.  I think about constantly, feel the need to, however you want to describe it, but really, really want to add another sweet little person or persons to my home.  I haven't stopped thinking about it since I brought Zeri home. Many of the others who adopted around the same time as I have already been through the process again.  I have been patiently waiting for just the right time...  which never seems to come.  There are always things coming up at home that make me question whether adding more people to my household would be a wise decision.  We definitely have a large cast of characters at home and I wonder about tipping the delicately balanced scales of our life..  That is my biggest fear. What then..  There are times when it's just the two boys & myself at home & I think "I can add more, it would be fine".   There are times when everyone is home and I think "There would be a lot of people in this house and they all seem pretty needy now".  However, the two older kids are supposed to be young adults, right? They should be able to take care of themselves and worry about their own issues. They live in my house though, and one lives in my house with her son, my grandson, full-time.  The other one moves back in May after college.  The dynamics of it all makes my head hurt and then I stop thinking about my dream, my goals for the future. My sweet little dream that I have been hanging onto for 3 years...  Is it time to abandon my dream or push forward with it?   I continue to pray and hope for answers on what my next steps should be....  

Better than Good: Last Day of the Raffle!! Still Time!

C'mon folks... We can all do something to help out this family help bring their children home! Let's show them that we care, that God can provide.

Better than Good: Last Day of the Raffle!! Still Time!: "Here's a recap just in case you want to see all the cool things you could win! So here is the deal...Use the Chip-in button to the Right.$5 ..."

Merry Christmas

So this is my Christmas present this year.  A beautiful healthy new grand baby.  It's certainly interesting to have a baby in the house again.  All the boys want to do is hold him and love on him. Let's just say he doesn't really love people touching him all.the.time.   But he is mostly patient, and is definitely used to the noise and chaos of our house.  Merry Christmas everyone.



My Favorite Zeri-isms...

1.) When going to bed at night “Don’t let the bugs eat you.” Meaning Don’t let the bed bugs bite…


2.) When making his Christmas list the other day “Write down Beaver g*un mom. I really want a Beaver gun.” Thinking he means B-B g*un but you never know. (Side note – we did have a discussion about how Santa doesn’t bring g*uns)

3.) When I leave for work “Have fun with your people mom.”

These are just a few of the funnies in our house lately… This kid is too funny!

Thanks...

I just wanted  to follow up and say thank you for the posts and emails.  I know that I will love the baby once it gets here.  She is a smart girl and I pray that she receives the wisdom she needs to continue to move her and her child's life in the right direction.  It was not my intention to sound like I was whining about not getting my way or being able to do what I wanted to do in regards to adoption.  I know that whatever happens will happen in God's time, not mine. I have to accept that and practice patience.  It's just SO hard...  Anyway, I'm out of town for business this week.  This is the first time I've left Zeri for more than one night since he's been home, a year and a half now...  My mom is staying with them to make sure that everything is under control.  The oldest 2 could be in charge &  left to take care of the littles, but they constantly fight now, and that's no good for the boys. I get home tomorrow night, can't wait! Miss everyone, and miss sleeping in my own bed! 

Dealing with disappointment...

I have been so looking forward to dipping my toe into the adoption pool again - it was my dream to bring home a little girl. I was happily in the research stage going about my business. That’s when reality comes and smacks me really hard in the face, bringing me crashing back down to earth. So it seems that I am going to be a grandmother. Yes, I know, I am only 39, but I too had my kids young and my second oldest is 18 and pregnant… She told me the news about 3 months ago and I have been devastated ever since. Hopes & dreams, hers and mine, completely dashed and/or put on hold. She is not married, and I do not advocate for her to get married just because she’s having a baby. Two rights do NOT make a wrong and it’s not in her best interest at this time. She finally got a part-time job and she will enroll in the junior college by the house for classes in the fall. She will have to maintain 15 credit hours to stay on my insurance, in addition to working. She’s on the same path I travelled, and it’s definitely not an easy one. She will be living at home for now, she needs to finish school & get on her feet. At this point, I don’t feel that I can move forward with my dream, there’s too much that will be going on in the next few months. I try to keep telling myself that the dream is just shelved for now. That it’s not put away into a box, locked up, not to be opened again. But as the time ticks away I feel the opportunity slipping away as well. Restrictions on singles are changing all the time, in many countries, and not in favor of single adoptions. It’s hard to sit by and watch everyone else going through the process when I know that’s exactly where I want to be – right in the process. Most everyone that adopted at the same time as I have all gone back for their second round  of kiddos…. It’s hard to also sit by and watch my daughter go through what she’s going through and know what she will go through. It’s hard to sit through and listen to all the family drama this has created. Some of it I do not know how to deal with. So, I find myself depressed at times and having a hard time pulling myself out of the pit. I just have to remember that I can’t let myself slide down into that pit, or it will suck me in for sure.