It has been awhile, hasn't it?

Well, as a friend recently pointed out, it's been awhile.  Yes, make that a long while.  It's been a year since my last post.  Sad, yes.  At some point though, life just takes over and pushes forward quickly leaving little time to document what is actually going on in life.  I have begun fleshing out the details of adding to my little family again.  I think about constantly, feel the need to, however you want to describe it, but really, really want to add another sweet little person or persons to my home.  I haven't stopped thinking about it since I brought Zeri home. Many of the others who adopted around the same time as I have already been through the process again.  I have been patiently waiting for just the right time...  which never seems to come.  There are always things coming up at home that make me question whether adding more people to my household would be a wise decision.  We definitely have a large cast of characters at home and I wonder about tipping the delicately balanced scales of our life..  That is my biggest fear. What then..  There are times when it's just the two boys & myself at home & I think "I can add more, it would be fine".   There are times when everyone is home and I think "There would be a lot of people in this house and they all seem pretty needy now".  However, the two older kids are supposed to be young adults, right? They should be able to take care of themselves and worry about their own issues. They live in my house though, and one lives in my house with her son, my grandson, full-time.  The other one moves back in May after college.  The dynamics of it all makes my head hurt and then I stop thinking about my dream, my goals for the future. My sweet little dream that I have been hanging onto for 3 years...  Is it time to abandon my dream or push forward with it?   I continue to pray and hope for answers on what my next steps should be....