It has been awhile, hasn't it?

Well, as a friend recently pointed out, it's been awhile.  Yes, make that a long while.  It's been a year since my last post.  Sad, yes.  At some point though, life just takes over and pushes forward quickly leaving little time to document what is actually going on in life.  I have begun fleshing out the details of adding to my little family again.  I think about constantly, feel the need to, however you want to describe it, but really, really want to add another sweet little person or persons to my home.  I haven't stopped thinking about it since I brought Zeri home. Many of the others who adopted around the same time as I have already been through the process again.  I have been patiently waiting for just the right time...  which never seems to come.  There are always things coming up at home that make me question whether adding more people to my household would be a wise decision.  We definitely have a large cast of characters at home and I wonder about tipping the delicately balanced scales of our life..  That is my biggest fear. What then..  There are times when it's just the two boys & myself at home & I think "I can add more, it would be fine".   There are times when everyone is home and I think "There would be a lot of people in this house and they all seem pretty needy now".  However, the two older kids are supposed to be young adults, right? They should be able to take care of themselves and worry about their own issues. They live in my house though, and one lives in my house with her son, my grandson, full-time.  The other one moves back in May after college.  The dynamics of it all makes my head hurt and then I stop thinking about my dream, my goals for the future. My sweet little dream that I have been hanging onto for 3 years...  Is it time to abandon my dream or push forward with it?   I continue to pray and hope for answers on what my next steps should be....  

Dealing with disappointment...

I have been so looking forward to dipping my toe into the adoption pool again - it was my dream to bring home a little girl. I was happily in the research stage going about my business. That’s when reality comes and smacks me really hard in the face, bringing me crashing back down to earth. So it seems that I am going to be a grandmother. Yes, I know, I am only 39, but I too had my kids young and my second oldest is 18 and pregnant… She told me the news about 3 months ago and I have been devastated ever since. Hopes & dreams, hers and mine, completely dashed and/or put on hold. She is not married, and I do not advocate for her to get married just because she’s having a baby. Two rights do NOT make a wrong and it’s not in her best interest at this time. She finally got a part-time job and she will enroll in the junior college by the house for classes in the fall. She will have to maintain 15 credit hours to stay on my insurance, in addition to working. She’s on the same path I travelled, and it’s definitely not an easy one. She will be living at home for now, she needs to finish school & get on her feet. At this point, I don’t feel that I can move forward with my dream, there’s too much that will be going on in the next few months. I try to keep telling myself that the dream is just shelved for now. That it’s not put away into a box, locked up, not to be opened again. But as the time ticks away I feel the opportunity slipping away as well. Restrictions on singles are changing all the time, in many countries, and not in favor of single adoptions. It’s hard to sit by and watch everyone else going through the process when I know that’s exactly where I want to be – right in the process. Most everyone that adopted at the same time as I have all gone back for their second round  of kiddos…. It’s hard to also sit by and watch my daughter go through what she’s going through and know what she will go through. It’s hard to sit through and listen to all the family drama this has created. Some of it I do not know how to deal with. So, I find myself depressed at times and having a hard time pulling myself out of the pit. I just have to remember that I can’t let myself slide down into that pit, or it will suck me in for sure.

So what comes next?

It’s been absolutely FOREVER since I’ve posted and I can come up with a million and one reasons why, but frankly it’s purely lack of motivation, and definitely depression. I feel… unsettled, like I am searching for something I’ve lost and can’t find. I’m not sure why that is, but I don’t like it. I feel like I’m supposed to be doing something different with my life(work related), something with more purpose. I just don’t know what that is right now, or how to get there. Got this in an email today & it speaks to me, right in the heart, leading me to believe I am supposed to be doing something else. But what that something else is remains the question for now...

TEN THINGS GOD WON'T ASK ON THAT DAY..

1... God won't ask what kind of car you drove. He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation..

2.. God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3... God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

4... God won't ask what your highest salary was. He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5... God won't ask what your job title was. He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

6.. God won't ask how many friends you had. He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7..... God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8.... God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content of your character.

9... God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation. He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

10... God won't have to ask how many people you forwarded this to, He already knows your decision.

Pictures

The Day We First Met

Here's the day we met Zerihun

We're Outta Here

This is it! We leave in 2 hours. The bags are packed and we're ready to roll. We'll update as often as we can throughout the way! Wish us luck!

He's Ours...

We passed court on 10/13 and received Z's Birth Certificate on 10/22. It was so strange to see Zerihun Kathleen Owsiak... It's not quite fair to his first family to see that we've essentially rewritten his history by taking their names off of it. Anyway, our embassy appointment is 12/3. We will leave here 11/29 & return, hopefully on 12/12 if the paperwork gets processed in a timely fashion. Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer. Both S & R are coming with. The school wasn't particularly impressed with S taking 2 weeks to go, but she's spoken with each of her teachers and they've all promised to work with her both before & after the trip to make sure she doesn't fall behind. She's also organized some fundraising efforts to get some donations to bring with us. It seems so strange that we leave in 4 weeks. I can't wait to have him home with us.

Dossier - DONE!!!

The good news is the dossier is done! The BETTER news is that it arrived at the agency's office Monday morning!! Woo hoo!!
It's so exciting, yet overwhelming to be done with this part of the process. While I was paperwork chasing, I was in control, kind of. Now, we wait, and I have no control over what happens. A very odd feeling for me.

Anyway, here's a cute Back to School shot!

TB Test - Check!

TB test completed! Just have to send the results to HS agency & I'm done with paperwork - for the time being at least! They tell me they should have the draft done next week! We are almost done! Yipee!

Adoption Update

With all the moving issues I haven't had much time to do or think about the adoption process. I let the HS agency know that the deal fell through & that I'd like to forge ahead full steam. I don't want to wait any longer in this 'holding pattern'. My brother & his beautiful wife were kind enough to send their reference paper work in. They were the last of the 5.. I have to get my TB test, then we're done. I think. I have to pull out my check list... I wonder if I packed it.

Dossier Packet!!

YAY!! The dossier packet from AAI arrived in the mail on Thurday!! How exciting! However when I opened and looked at all the stuff I still need to get done I almost fainted. I mean in my head I knew how much stuff I was going to have get done, but when you see the acutal list - Holy Crap!
Anyway, I'm going to get started on the easiest things tomorrow... It's supposed to be rainy & cold all day, so perfect for being inside & getting things done. I alreay have most of the stuff, so I know I'll be fine. One step at a time, right....?

Last Home Visit

This past Tuesday was the last home visit with the Social Worker. My SW is working with an intern who will be actually writing the report. She is a really nice young lady! This is the first one she's writing, so they are working together very closely. They are both great! Anyway, the visit was set for Tuesday, 7 to 9pm, so we could finish the last of some DCFS paper work as well as make sure I have given them all the documents they needed to finish the HS. Since they had met the kids last time, they wanted to know if we would could have some time without interruption to get some of it done. Luckily enough R has soccer practice Tuesday's so I wasn't worried figuring they would be with R at soccer. Well, then it rained all day Tuesday so of course practice was cancelled. Figures. So I gave them some money & sent them off to dinner by themselves (remember my oldest 2 are 17 & 15). I told them to return as close to 9pm as they could. The visit went well & we got through the licensing paper work for DCFS. They don't think we'll need another visit, which is great! The kids went to dinner as Applebee's & gave the waitress a 40% tip! I betcha she loved them!! She probably cringed when she realized she had been seated 3 kids... Little did she know!

Adoption Education

Ok - Sorry for the mini vacation there, I'm back. I have to do 10 hours of adoption education for DCFS requirements (need a foster license for adoption only), as well as adoption education hours through AAI, and one of the tools is a set of DVD's. The DVD's are broken into 4 sets of disks, and there are 4 sets of tests to take after each 'module'. So every night I load a disc into our personal DVD player and watch. Each mod is about an hour in length. I have watched 2 disks, a total of 3 mods, and taken 3 online tests. Each one is scored & the results are sent off, somewhere... So far, I've aced all 3!! Too bad I fell asleep in the beginning of the second one & had to watch the whole darn thing all over. Note to self - Don't watch them in bed after a long day at work! Anyway, it's going fine, but I want to finish soon! I have one more mod, one more test, but 2 discs left. The last disk you are not tested on, but they talk about a lot of resources & things, so I want to see that one too. Tomorrow I have a 6 hour adoption seminar that I have to attend. That will get me through the rest of my hours. The seminar tomorrow deals more with domestic adoption, but I am sure it will be helpful. It may even help with my youngest, as he has MANY questions & thoughts about his own adoption that are popping up now that we are going through the process, so it will be interesting to hear what they say. Anyway, the young lad has his first ever soccer game tomorrow! Great timing! Anyway, the girls are going to take him for me, hopefully someone will remember to take pictures for me. I'm sad that I'm going to miss it.... Well, there's another one next weekend, and the weekend after that, and after that...

Home Visit

The first home visit will be April 12th, while the kids are on Spring Break. Luckily enough for me (please note the sarcasm), it's on a Thursday, so I'm sure the house will be immaculate - NOT! Also, since I am planning on taking Thursday & Friday off from work, that means I most certainly will be working late on Weds., which means midnight cleaning! Can't wait. To top it off, she isn't coming until 1pm, which means I have to convince my son to eat breakfast & head right outside. Do not pass go and do not collect $200 either! Oh well, I'm sure she's seen a somewhat disorganized house ("What do you mean the PS2 controllers don't belong on the floor in front of the TV? Really?") before, right?
Now, I have to warn her about the 4 beers at the wedding two years ago story that my son repeatedly tells at the most inopportune times, or bribe him not to bring it up at all.... I don't normally drink, at all, EVER. At my cousin's wedding, I happened to drink a couple of beers. My lovely daughters happened to tell him that I had 4! To this day he still talks about, it must have made a BIG impression. Most times, like in the Kohl's dressing room, he just says loudly "Mom, I know you like to drink beer. You were drinking a lot at that wedding." I am sure everyone there thought I probably over indulge frequently. Which is why I feel the need to get my story out there before he does... We'll have to see

Envelopes...

Ok - I bought 2, count 'em, 2 boxes of envelopes today at the store! Now I can send in the fingerprint receipt & about 6 pages of paperwork so they can begin the background check. The girls had to fill out paperwork to, as they are over 13. I told the middle one that I hope I don't get a surprise when hers comes back - Ha Ha! She didn't find it quite so amusing. I cracked myself up.
Anyway, she kept me company on my journey to Arts to get printed yesterday, She also couldn't find the bathroom there on the 2nd floor after two trips upstairs. After we left, she reminded me she still had to go, so we stopped at Mickey D's. Then we headed back home to meet the other 2.
This evening I finished filling out some of the back ground check paperwork. I get to put those papers into the envelopes (yay!) I just bought & drop them in the mail tomorrow.
Now, if I have stamps, I'll be all set!

Fingerprints Today!

Today I got my DCFS fingerprints done at Art's. I have to send in the receipt & the first part of the paperwork, but first I must buy envelopes. Who runs out of envelopes, really? Oh well, we don't have lunch bags either this week - the brown paper variety & the small plastic ones that get filled & go into the brown paper bags. Ooooops. The kids have had to throw their lunches into plastic bags. It works.
Anyway, I digress... Now I just need to get my prints done to send in for the other background check as well as the clearance letter from the local police. I wonder how long that will take me?

We've Started...

OK - so I talked on the phone to the SW assigned to us last week. She seems to feel, without ever having met me and told me first thing in our conversation, that 1 child is better for my 'situation'. Whatever!
I still don't know how I feel about that whole conversation. My mind veers wildy from one end of the spectrum to the other. At times I feel she is absolutely right, I'd be out of my mind to take on 2 more, 1 is definitely enough. Then at other times, I feel that I should stick to MY original plan of 2. I don't really know where it will end up, but I do know that the final result will be whatever His plan is for us... We only get what we can handle. I pray for guidance every day.