Let's talk about Mental Health....

So, navigating the mental health side of my insurance plan has been painful, complicated, and for lack of a better term, stinky.  I just don't understand why it is so hard to get someone who is in a mental health crisis good care.  In fact, I find it despicable that we have to wait until someone is in a mental health crisis before serious concerns are listened to and addressed.  This should not ever happen.  If we had better preventative mental health care, particularly at the adolescent level, then maybe we wouldn't see kids reach such dramatic crisis levels.  Its heartbreaking to see not only the sheer number of kids involved in in-patient and out-patient care, but also the range of ages....  Some of these kids are really, really young.   I hope they get the help they need now so that they can stay maintain care and not have to live in and out of crisis mode.  I also wonder when mental health issues got to have a such a stigma..  Many people are ashamed to talk about what happened to their kids or what led them to the place they are at.  How can we ever help each other if we don't talk about it?   It's hard to find resources, support groups, etc. on your own. We should be able to talk to each other and pass along what works and what doesn't, without fear of judgement, because that's what it comes down to.  Judgement  by others - how did they get there? They seemed so 'normal'... What did they do to his/her child?  Parenting skills are brought into question both verbally and implied.  It's so sad.  We should stop judging and ask what we can do to help?  Meals, errands, someone to talk to, whatever you can lend a hand in doing to help.  Just please, stop judging....

It has been awhile, hasn't it?

Well, as a friend recently pointed out, it's been awhile.  Yes, make that a long while.  It's been a year since my last post.  Sad, yes.  At some point though, life just takes over and pushes forward quickly leaving little time to document what is actually going on in life.  I have begun fleshing out the details of adding to my little family again.  I think about constantly, feel the need to, however you want to describe it, but really, really want to add another sweet little person or persons to my home.  I haven't stopped thinking about it since I brought Zeri home. Many of the others who adopted around the same time as I have already been through the process again.  I have been patiently waiting for just the right time...  which never seems to come.  There are always things coming up at home that make me question whether adding more people to my household would be a wise decision.  We definitely have a large cast of characters at home and I wonder about tipping the delicately balanced scales of our life..  That is my biggest fear. What then..  There are times when it's just the two boys & myself at home & I think "I can add more, it would be fine".   There are times when everyone is home and I think "There would be a lot of people in this house and they all seem pretty needy now".  However, the two older kids are supposed to be young adults, right? They should be able to take care of themselves and worry about their own issues. They live in my house though, and one lives in my house with her son, my grandson, full-time.  The other one moves back in May after college.  The dynamics of it all makes my head hurt and then I stop thinking about my dream, my goals for the future. My sweet little dream that I have been hanging onto for 3 years...  Is it time to abandon my dream or push forward with it?   I continue to pray and hope for answers on what my next steps should be....  

Dealing with disappointment...

I have been so looking forward to dipping my toe into the adoption pool again - it was my dream to bring home a little girl. I was happily in the research stage going about my business. That’s when reality comes and smacks me really hard in the face, bringing me crashing back down to earth. So it seems that I am going to be a grandmother. Yes, I know, I am only 39, but I too had my kids young and my second oldest is 18 and pregnant… She told me the news about 3 months ago and I have been devastated ever since. Hopes & dreams, hers and mine, completely dashed and/or put on hold. She is not married, and I do not advocate for her to get married just because she’s having a baby. Two rights do NOT make a wrong and it’s not in her best interest at this time. She finally got a part-time job and she will enroll in the junior college by the house for classes in the fall. She will have to maintain 15 credit hours to stay on my insurance, in addition to working. She’s on the same path I travelled, and it’s definitely not an easy one. She will be living at home for now, she needs to finish school & get on her feet. At this point, I don’t feel that I can move forward with my dream, there’s too much that will be going on in the next few months. I try to keep telling myself that the dream is just shelved for now. That it’s not put away into a box, locked up, not to be opened again. But as the time ticks away I feel the opportunity slipping away as well. Restrictions on singles are changing all the time, in many countries, and not in favor of single adoptions. It’s hard to sit by and watch everyone else going through the process when I know that’s exactly where I want to be – right in the process. Most everyone that adopted at the same time as I have all gone back for their second round  of kiddos…. It’s hard to also sit by and watch my daughter go through what she’s going through and know what she will go through. It’s hard to sit through and listen to all the family drama this has created. Some of it I do not know how to deal with. So, I find myself depressed at times and having a hard time pulling myself out of the pit. I just have to remember that I can’t let myself slide down into that pit, or it will suck me in for sure.

Pictures

He's Ours...

We passed court on 10/13 and received Z's Birth Certificate on 10/22. It was so strange to see Zerihun Kathleen Owsiak... It's not quite fair to his first family to see that we've essentially rewritten his history by taking their names off of it. Anyway, our embassy appointment is 12/3. We will leave here 11/29 & return, hopefully on 12/12 if the paperwork gets processed in a timely fashion. Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer. Both S & R are coming with. The school wasn't particularly impressed with S taking 2 weeks to go, but she's spoken with each of her teachers and they've all promised to work with her both before & after the trip to make sure she doesn't fall behind. She's also organized some fundraising efforts to get some donations to bring with us. It seems so strange that we leave in 4 weeks. I can't wait to have him home with us.

End of Summer

Now that summer is almost officially over, here' some pictures of some of the more interesting highlights

Here is when the neighbors tree crashed into our front yard...










About a week after the tree fell, we found a nest of baby squirrels on the sidewalk. We loaded them & their nest into a box to take to a wildlife refuge.














and we went to the Air & Water Show....

Updates

So... You may have noticed that I haven't updated my poor neglected blog in awhile. I actually am quite lazy, and haven't felt much like writing. Here's what we've been up to.

The eldest graduated....









We go to the zoo every Sunday since we live 2 minutes away. It's open late on Sunday nights ('til 7:30 p.m., so we have a picnic dinner there).



















We played some baseball....










All in all, it's been a great summer. Hard to believe how fast it's gone. The eldest leaves for school in 3 weeks. She needs to start packing!

Christmas Roundup

Christmas was a pretty low key affair this year. Rocky still believes, but chances are just barely and this is probably his last year. He got a bunch of Star Wars stuff (surprise) and some Lego's. Probably less than he's ever got, but he didn't seem to notice. The girls got some clothes and things they asked for. We had some assorted family over for dinner & it was a nice evening. Steff had to get up at 3am as they were heading to New Orleans for their mission trip, and the bus left at 4am. We left the house early as we needed to stop at the cash station. Good thing we left early as the darn ATM sucked up my card! How rude! It wouldn't give it back. Luckily enough we had time to run home & borrow from Shannon. I dropped her off & was back in my nice warm bed by 4:15(ish)am. She said they tore the roof off a church yesterday & that she had a sunburned face. Sounds like it's going well.

Christmas Preparations

We've been entirely too busy getting ready for Christmas, among other things. Tonight we created our Gingerbread Train, and made some cookie dough. Here's some pictures of the best helper ever.
Decorating the train...



Making the dough...


and finally, the tree. This is the smallest tree we've ever had. Small, but beautiful!

Thankful

I am very Thankful for

My kids - they are indisputably and undeniably best things that ever happened to me. I can not imagine my life with them in it (even with the chaos).
My family - I love my family dearly. I am so thankful that they live close enough that we can celebrate together and remain close.
My health - without my health, where would I be? I thank God each & every day for my health, my kid's health, and my family's health.
My country - we have access in this country to so many things other people only dream about; clean water, an abundance of food, warm clothing, a solid structure to shelter us from the elements.
My friends - I would be lost without the love and support and humor of all my friends, those that I see all the time, and those on-line whom I've never met.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Blessings...

I have been reading a lot of different posts regarding adoptions on a lot of different blogs. Nancy's post here really got me thinking about how my own life has evolved. I was pregnant at 18 & when my husband (boyfriend at the time) told my parents, I subsequently moved out. I had been living at home, working & attending a junior college. I couldn't live there anymore, it was not a pleasant place to be. My parents thought adoption would be the best plan, and wanted me to seriously consider it. It wasn't a plan I wanted, or wanted to hear about, so my husband's (boyfriend at the time!) parent's allowed me to move in with them while we searched for an apartment we could afford. I was so fortunate to have my in-laws on 'my side'. We got on with our lives, we began to heal the relationship with my parents, and we began to prepare for the baby. When my oldest was almost 8 months old, we were expecting again! A shock definitely, we were taking all the appropriate 'measures' to make sure that didn't happen. We weathered on, 2 stupid kids really. Then my husband passed away when Shannon was about 16 months & I was 8 months pregnant with my middle child.
I had a choice and I am glad I made the choice I did. I am where I am today, single parent to 3 of the most amazing kids I know, because of strength, determination, faith, love, and the willingness to do whatever it took to keep us afloat. Luckily enough for me, it was not only me that had those characteristics, my family had them as well.

Pictures!

I realized today, that I absolutely need to add some pictures to this blog, so here goes.



ALL 3 were in a wedding in early October! Aren't they too cute! Out of 5 pictures, this was best - yikes! Too bad we couldn't get everyone to look at the camera & smile at the same time... Rocky thinks it's 'cute' now to make faces at the camera, so I don't think we'll ever get another decent photo. Oh well!

Ethiopian Diamond

Since the girls were both busy over the weekend, Rocky & I headed up to the North Side for dinner Saturday night at the Ethiopian Diamond. We had a blast. The lady asked us if we woudln't mind sitting in the back, and Rocky said sure! He wanted to be close to the band that was playing. We had a great time. He enjoyed the music & watching the musicians, and the food was delicious. Mmmmmmmm. Can't wait to go again!

Back Yard Fun!

No matter how much I whine about having another thing to clean, I will miss the pool when we move. We had a blast out there today trying to stay cool in the 90+ degree heat. Even my father-in-law came over for pool fun & dinner! It was a great day!

Not Sold....?

So, over the past 2 days I have been on an emotional roller coaster that unfortunately seems never ending. To make a long (very, very, long) story somewhat short, it seems that the deal may have fallen through. The lawyer found that the buyer doesn't have a job anymore. That is kind of an issue when you want to apply for a mortgage. Figures. Just when I started getting everyone used to the idea of moving. Just when I started getting myself used to the idea of moving. It's back on the MLS as of today. We'll just have to see what happens. It's a good thing we don't have much planned this weekend as we have to clear away the boxes and get the house back into 'showing' shape. Keeps us busy, right?

Sweet 16..

S (my middle one)turned 16 Saturday. Hard to believe that I'm that old... :) Seems like she was just born. She's a sweet kid, who gets REALLY good grades, loves her friends, loves her phone, has a big heart, could probably help more around the house, loves the computer, loves basketball, and Irish Dances... She really is a good kid & I'm fortunate & blessed to have her in my life. Happy Birthdday Sweetie!

For Sale!

Well, the sign is up in the front yard & it's on the MLS. This is just the temporary sign until the bigger one that goes in the ground gets installed. Today I noticed that another house down at the end of the block has a For Sale sign in it's front lawn this afternoon.. That makes 3 For Sale on my block & one across the street!!

My Mom's Day Gift

My mom is the nicest! We were at a shower recently and the mom to be received a Vera Bradley diaper bag. I am obsessed with Vera Bradley, but can never bring myself to spend that kind of money on a bag. Anyway, I remarked that she had received my favorite print. My mom, bless her soul, was kind enough to remember my favorite print & look what showed up for my Mother's Day gift...

Always in my room...

So, since the computer is in my room so that I can monitor who's on it & when, my room becomes the 'hang out' room. There's a TV, a nice comfy bed, one which is highly suitable for jumping!!!!

Like this....

Soccer!

R had a soccergame Saturday. We found out his team is in first place & they get to play in the Championshio game on Saturday. Bad news is that the girls have dancing in Indy Saturday too... We'll have to see if R's grandpa can keep him overnight Friday & then take him Saturday. Hopefully!
Here he is walking off the field.